Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I have always wondered if anyone had more courage than me to face life head on and no care anything what people say. I always thought that I had a rock solid heart that can bear any emotions and pains. I always thought that my loss and my pain was bigger ( how foolish I am), People told me that I was like their role model, friends told me that I inspire them...but little did I know that everyone, including ME, was wrong !! I realized this the day I knew YOU...
You came in to my life like a person from a different world, a different dimension. The way I saw you was that you had a cherished and relished life happening in the midst of flashes and sparkles !! I was not able to relate to you thinking that you are far higher than a small town ordinary guy like me. But then I remember that night when I wanted to tell about my life. I spoke to you, shared everything i could and was feeling low, then you told me about your side of the story.
I couldnt hold my tears, i couldnt stop my lips trembling, I couldnt stop myself from the flow of emotions. I had just one question that I didnt ask you..."How did you do it?" You are a beautiful baby doll for me, how did you manage to gain those courage, to have those patience, to be SO STRONG ?? How? how? how?
everything else in this world seemed so less important to me that night, everything else seemed just so fake, everything else seemed so weak in front of YOU ! Though I was not in front of you, but my head bowed down before you with RESPECT and HONOUR. I bowed to you with the fact that I had never known anyone so courageous and bold. You could have gone wayward, do what you wanted to do, but you kept your simplicity and integrty intact. I always been fascinated by the quote by ROCKY : " it doesnt matter how hard you hit, what matters is how hard you can get hit and go on"... I witnessed that in my life in real. This is not a flattery....You are simply the most wonderful person I will ever meet, you are just so true to yourself, so genuine, so real...yet you are a prodigy with tremendous talent and capabilities that can take millions for toss ! You are not arrogant, you are not greedy, you are not proud...you are so simple !!! you are simplicity at its ever possible best. some one said once that a guys head is bowed in front of 3 women, first the goddess, second the mother and third the person is the love of the life.....I here by bow my head to you, in front of the world and ask you to make me be part of you...asking to give me the chance of a life time to take care of you..asking to let me love you for this lifetime and more...bowing down to you I ask you to marry me my love !! I bow down before you...
Monday, October 10, 2011
"GUTS" was something i always had since my childhood. May it be to shut off someone's mouth, or to break bones of the one i disliked or to face the most dangerous men and animals, i had the guts to face them, i always thought i can make this proper, make them alright, but....then I met you..
I met you the way a normal human being will never understand because we are two not so "normal" people. I started knowing you...knowing about you. Physical distance was the thing that was loitering somewhere in my mind. You told me what happened, what you had been through, and what people around you had put you into. You cried so many nights telling me that , you were ...all alone !!
I still remember the night when you spoke to me half the night and then you told me that you havent had your food, everyone in the house served themselves and enjoyed and no one even bothered to ask you once, no one even noticed that you existed. I still remember the night when you were suffering from the severe pain, and when I asked you , you told me that it is of no use as no one will come. You asked me to caress you, you told me to hug you and make you sleep...believe me my love, no one in this world would have felt so HELPLESS like i did that night.
When your injured feet was swollen and you "HAD" to dance for others, and then when you returned you couldnt keep your feet on the ground, I knew all people around you will not even be bothered. I wanted to be there with you to take care.The night when you were thirsty for a drop of water ,everyone were else sleeping, and you couldnt call anyone to give you a glass of water, i felt so terribly HELPLESS that i can never express. Even the times when the parasitic people around you shouted and scolded you for not getting up at 4 in the morning to fill in the water, i felt HELPLESS of not being able to squash their faces with my feet. I saw the living leeches around you, who are there with the intention of taking everything what belongs to you.
Baby, I feel HELPLESS when you ask me to put my fingers on your hairs, caress them, to hold you tight in my arms, and ...I am not able to. One thing that echoes in my mind is when you ask your maid to give you anything to eat ..and you add "please" to it!!! I feel HELPLESS to the core and wish if i was there i would have cooked anything you wished.
When you cant sleep coz you have those tears in your eyes , or you are upset coz someone scolded you without any reason, or someone shouted at you, I feel the most HELPLESS man in the world. I want to take care of you...not to let you work a bit, just to make you feel relaxed and happier, make you take rest as much as you want, make you laugh like you always used to... I want to destroy all the loneliness and sadness, and take those parasitic greedy people down, who forgets that evil begets evil...and that I shall return their "favors"
I want to love you..hug you..kiss you like there was no tomorrow!!! Take away all your pains and worries, all your painful memories...I cannot and I will not be HELPLESS from this moment. You are mine and I DARE the world to stop it... I am no more helpless, I will take you away from all and you will be with me for this lifetime and more ! I love you ...
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Since my childhood I was told, " son always speak the truth, cause it never hurts"..well i guess my parents and teachers could have never thought how the future will be . I thought being honest and truthful will always solve any problem in this damn world...but here after i am now confirmed that my elders had just an dogmatic assertion about this fact of life.
I lied in many occasions and all those were for escaping some sticks from the teachers :-) and sometimes to parents to be with my friends..for everything else i thought i must speak the truth. And what i got in turn??? .... SILENCE !!!
I always thought if I tell the truth, I will always be understood clearly...there is going to be no misunderstanding...and people will understand that i have not hidden my thoughts and feelings. BUT...i am wrong... i dont know how to pretend, how to hide the emotions and feelings, tried for so many years now, but cant, it does reflect in my eyes.
Today something came to my heart, i told it clearly, without knowing that a simple and harmless and an honest truth would boomerang back to me with so much of pain and guilt !! When I shout and try to say that "I told the truth", i am misunderstood... really that is the time i feel so bad, and sad that my parents and my mentors and my seniours always guided me to the wrong direction...the direction of always telling the truth. little did they know that i will follow it from the bottom of my heart and would finally realise their mistake and realise that ..... " truth hurts".
But I will not change from mindset..because I know one day my truth will be known, and who knows I wont be there to cherish it.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
There is no such thing as a broken heart-only a heart that is learning to love more and better.
Realizing that your heart isn't damaged is a relief. But when you're desperately trying to let go of a former mate, and you're in emotional agony, this bit of wisdom is cold comfort. Many say they can feel a physical aching in the chest that can last for weeks and even months. An inability to hear love songs on the radio without crying is common. At worst, those struggling through a break-up can't stand to be alone, and avoid places where they might see their ex. Conversely, they might even arrange to run in" to their former flame.
Why do we find it so hard to release when a relationship ends? We get emotionally attached when we fall in love. Emotional attachment is wonderful when the relationship is in full bloom, but a great source of pain when the romance is over. Emotional attachment is responsible for much angst, from jealousy to endless mooning over the lost love, to an inability to move on. Once you finally break the attachment, you have a pleasant neutrality towards the former object of your attachment. You know you're over him when you can see him with another woman and not feel a surge of emotion. It's not that you wish him ill; you simply no longer see why you were so hung up on him to begin with.
There are three steps you can take to expedite the process of release and be free of the pain. If you start practicing them immediately, you may find yourself getting on with your life and experiencing a heady freedom by tomorrow.
Step One: Release Constantly. Be aware of how often you think of your former love after the break-up. For example, something may trigger a memory, or a friend may ask how the two of you are doing. Perhaps you go so far as to maintain contact deliberately with his friends and family in hopes of rekindling the flame. Your ex is a point of reference for you. You wonder what he would think of your new haircut, or what she's up to. You may torment yourself imagining her involvement with someone else.
This pattern of thinking is not helpful to you, and it needs to stop. You should cease an behavior that keeps you hanging on. There is a magic inrelease. If you are meant to be with her, nothing can keep you apart. For now, you need to disengage. Releasing is not something you can fake. You have to really let go. Letting go may expedite her coming back to you, but you can't do it for this reason. She is not with you now, and that reality must be faced.
How to Release: Cease any behavior that propels you toward her. No more phone calls. Avoid places you may see her if possible. You also need to quit thinking about her and imagining a reunion. Every time you start thinking of her, say (either out loud or silently), "I release you to your highest good. I am free now." As you let go, a strange thing will happen. The Universe will begin to support you. Synchronistic events and spontaneous good will arise to distract you or pull you in another direction. Repeat this release, even if you have to do it dozens of times a day. Because you will be getting positive results, it will become easier and easier to do.
Step Two: Focus on Your Life Vision. It is said that what you look for in another is only yourself. Refocus on your own life when you're plagued with thoughts of your ex-loves. This is healing. As you go through the grieving that is natural upon a break-up, begin to open to a vision of your life as you want it. Include not only the perfect relationship but also your life's mission and most importantly, an image of you at your best-in your power and flourishing, living your life to the fullest. Each time you begin to think of your former love, set these thoughts aside and instead contemplate the vision you've begun to create of yourself. Rather than falling into despair or plotting how to get her back, do something concrete to begin making this vision a reality. Your time is better spent, and this refocusing forces you back into honoring your highest self.
Step Three: Dissolve the Pain. Both of the previous steps will help you handle the pain of emotional release. However, if you have had other wounds in your life, you have built up a large emotional "pain body" that has been reactivated by this break-up. It is time to dissolve this pain body so that you'll never experience such deep loss again. Do this by allowing yourself to feel all of the pain you have stored up inside. Know that tears are healing, a release in and of themselves. Allow yourself to sob in the shower. Embrace the part of you that is inconsolable. Instead of fighting the pain in your heart (and any other physical symptoms), let them be, accepting them fully as part of your healing.
As your pain body is dissolved, begin a practice that will keep you free from storing up more pain in the future. Teach yourself to not take on any new pain. To do this, you must change your perspective. First, know that no one is trying to hurt you. They're doing the best they can, and are simply showing you their limits of their insensitivity. This will help you to quit taking things personally and to forgive.
Secondly, quit feeding your pain. Many of us-especially those we would label "drama queens" (and kings)-need to experience pain in order to feel alive. For others, much of our identity is wrapped up in being a victim. The next time you begin feeling pain, catch yourself. Tell yourself, "I'm thinking of him again." The simple act of noticing how you feed your pain will begin to dissolve it immediately. Next, do whatever is necessary to not let the pain mushroom into a full-blown despair. You may need to distract yourself or remember all the good you have in your life.
As you dissolve your pain body and learn new patterns, your release will go very quickly. You will propel yourself into states of happiness and peace you didn't know existed.
Not only will this break-up not kill you, but it may be the best thing that ever happened to you. The pain of a break-up can push you into a world of magic, of release and of healing that you otherwise might not have entered. And even though you may think your ex is the be-all, end-all, of your life, undoubtedly there is more love, even better love right around the corner.